The following excerpt has been stolen from the diary of Boston Bruins general manager Don Sweeney. This may justify why the Bruins have been so silent on the eve of the trade deadline. We will work hard to obtain more of Sweeney’s diary. Stay tuned.
“I wish these unknown numbers would stop calling my phone. It’s weird, because the Caller ID suggests that the people that are trying to reach me are from Minnesota and St. Louis. I don’t get it – I don’t know ANYBODY from Minnesota and St. Louis. I keep ignoring their calls, but now they just leave voicemails. The guy from Minnesota said “Just give us Eric Son and we’ll provide you with some picks.” I don’t know who Eric Son is, and I don’t know how to play guitar so I’m not interested in guitar picks. But every call I have received in the past week has been in regards to Eric Son. I feel like I should text back and say “Look, I don’t know who Eric Son is. Leave me alone”, but the notion that I have to “give” them Eric Son makes me feel like this is a hostage situation. Scary, huh?
Okay, I just got another text from the guy in Minnesota. All it said was “Dumba?”. Really, now this guy is calling me dumb? I mean, it was misspelled, but I can only assume it’s the iPhone’s shitty autocorrect. Anyways, I’m going to put up my diary and try to figure out what is going on here. Might have to contact the police if things get out of hand.”
(Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
P.S. – This is not an official excerpt from Don Sweeney’s diary. I mean, it could be. Truth is, we haven’t actually seen it – nor do we want to.